Did I ever mention my little brother, Tad? I can't recall that I have & I ain't goin back to look at all them post's to be sure. The short of it is we ain't related by blood, but many yrs ago (as part of an alias) I become one of them Big Brothers (as popularized by the NFL) & Tad was who was drafted to me. He'd had a pretty odd upbringin; his father was a German WWII prisoner of war who'd be captured in the Battle Of The Bulge & transferred to a POW camp in Frankfort, KY in 1945. After he was released he stayed stateside & sent for Tad's Ma & sometime in the early 60's, along come Taddy. Seein as how his parents was no longer Nazi's but now patriotic Americans, they named him after Abe Lincoln's youngest son (the fact that he has a big ol' head is just a coincidence). I reckon we's met when he was about 15 or so. He was a hellion & just about as wild as a Hyena too. Weren't nothin he wouldn't drink or ingest, if you could get high from it, Tad wanted in. I can't say that I was much of a positive influence on him, after all, I was doin it mainly as a front. I did make sure that when he was sellin LSD through college he weren't never arrested (I was also the one hookin him up w/top notch product. C'mon, we're brothers!) & after graduation he apprenticed w/Ranger X where he learned how to fence. Not the Olympic kind but a valuable skill nonetheless. I's been there for him when he needed me (& sometimes when he ain't) & through the yrs we's lost track but w/the wonders of the internet, anyone's but a click away. So when I got this here email, it weren't a complete suprise. I mean, I got this blog & he's a Clockcleaner fan, it was only a matter of time, right?
Yo Fuckface-
What the fuck? Haven't heard from you since BC.* Lot's of shit went down after you split. I'll say this for you B-Man, you got long arms! I thought my fuckin ass was goin bye-bye. But between your connections & Ranger X's brillant diversion**, I am one lucky sonofabitch. Anway, I got the fuck outta Dodge & relocated over here on Cape Cod. There's not fuck-all to do, unless you can relate to Oscar Wilde (if you know what I mean). But that's cool 'cause I need to lay low for a while. The Ranger says he knows someone around here that might be able to help me out down the line, but "all previous knowledge must be completely exterminated" before that goes down. You know how he talks, all that Psy-Ops bullshit. But yeah, I'm diggin it. I was down to Providence not long back & picked up some tuneage. You know that label Load? It's from outta there. For a while I took to callin it B'load cause most of what I had got from them sucked, but this new Sightings cd is seriously fuckin decent & this one by Clockcleaner called 'Babylon Rules' RULES my motherfuckin world! They're from your (current) city, correct? Do you know these fuckers? They seem like some messed up, twisted perverts so I figured they might be part of your "circle". And what's up w/that tape face shit? One word for that-fuckin GENIUS. Around here dudes do the tape face to turn each other on, but Clockcleaner look like they did it to be RAD. I diggeth. And how about the dude on the El platform in the one photo? He's all like 'what the fuck'? Cracked me up! I read some old post you'd done on them & I guess I gotta get those records (even though I don't have a turntable) or rip'em off the internet. This shit is so hilarious & hateful. It's like a cross between that 2nd Brainbombs lp & any of those early, great releases on Amphetamine Reptile. They got serious attitude & action to boot. And I'm sorry, I don't care how heterosexual you claim to be, but that track 'Vomiting Mirrors' is a mindbending classic. Easily the fuckin single of the year if it'd come out as one. I have seriously geeked the fuck out to it for more times than I can remember. It's almost Gay how much I dig that song. I even got one of the girls that worked at Cobies*** into it (among other things). She'd sit there & have the Clockcleaner Myspace page up, repeating that song over & over again & it never got old. Still doesn't. Fried clams, Clockcleaner & beer. It's like a slice of Heaven. But w/weed. Choice!
If you can think of it, shoot me over a number or somethin for these dildo's. I see where they're going on tour & I'd like to have them come out & place my place. The locals would shit. Oh, & if you could see fit to front me some.....you know what****.....there's some dudes over in Wellfleet that claim they can move serious volume. If not that's cool. I'll just wait for X to get the ball rollin. I just want to make sure if Clockcleaner get up this way I'm not light. Whatever you can do. And one more thing before I scoot; is the one dude's name really Sharkey? That's awesome! Is he into Rickles? Of course he is, who isn't?! Man, CPO Sharkey ruled my fuckin world in the late 70's, remember? Is that shit on DVD? Yo B-Man, hook me the fuck up w/a boxset! You got the connections, do me a solid. I mean, c'mon, we're brothers! It's just me & Clockcleaner up here on the down/low. I dig the 'insult rock' but I need a fix of 'insult comedy' to counter the brilliance. It'll be like a fuckin Think Tank. I always wanted to drive one of those things too. Make it happen. Please?
Okay Dickwad, I am latered. Say YES to Skull Music.
Tad
* BC is in reference to British Columbia. Sometime back, Tad was working out've a truckstop/pornstore near Squamish off 99. He was doin his thing when the Canadian Feds come bustin in one night. Seems the owner was peddlin in White Slavery that none of us knowed anything about. Tad was in some serious shit.
** But I called in some favors & Ranger X demolitioned the truckstop/porn shack-an "accident", someone had left the gas on-so no evidence, no case, no problem. X took care of the owner too, his whereabouts is unknown & will continue to remain so.
***A most excellent restaurant located in Brewster, Ma. The fried clams they serve up is wicked good.
****To paraphrase Steven Segal in regards to this pathetic plea; 'I'm just the cook'. I am not a "businessman", merely a writer of this here humble Blog. So quit whinin & wait for Ranger X to set you up. Jesus, what a moron!
Clockcleaner's 'Babylon Rules' is available direct from Load on lp/cd, go to; http://www.loadrecords.com/ & checkout Clockcleaner's Myspace for upcoming tour dates (or just to check'em out, period) via; www.myspace.com/clockcleaner
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