After What You've Just Said, I Don't Know What You Mean.....The Return Of A Man Called Roland Woodbe

Hardy-har, I bet you's all thought I was gone for good. Truth be told, I weren't so sure myself if I'd be gracin the pages of blogland ever again neither. Right when I thought my service to God & Country had all but been depleted, that's when I got the call for some PSYOPS bullshit that proved to damn near be my physical undoin. What started out like routine debriefing's of some agitated CIA "muleskinners" down to Ecuador ended up gettin me ass deep in subterfuge & some ancient conspiracy threads what had my head spinnin & landed me in a jail cell for near 3 months time ( nabbed w/a sizeable portion of cocaine, planted of course). Ecuador has some harsh laws when it comes to this monkey powder but I came to learn that my incarceration was nothing more than a setup. A ruse if you will. Once inside I was to make nice to some folks that supposedly had heavy connections. So it was a case of the hunted becomin the hunter. And if I had time (& the proper clearance) I could tell you some stories what involve Nazi pastissier's, pearl divin off the coast of Venezuela, a secret Kennedy rum plantation, the self propelled human cannon, white rails inhaled off the hot latin ass of an (allegedly) ex Noboa mistress + nuclear secrets lyin at the bottom of the lost island of Elugelab. But them's for another day. Right now I'm more anxious than a 'lude queen on prom night to hump a few of these here records what's overflowin at casa Woodbe. Sorry to all you's out there what might've been lookin for a best of 08 from me. I just don't got the love this time round. Instead I'm gonna focus on some stellar releases what come out but seemed ignored, or stymied the dimmer rock-writer bulbs, doe-eyed in the kilowatt's. I'd say it's great to be back but I don't wanna presume any cognitive deficits just yet, if you know what I mean.

A couple've guppies I know seem perplexed by my pro stance on this Crazy Dreams Band lp what's on Holy Mountain. What's up their collective ass is that alls I do is bitch & complain about all the New Weird half-assed shit & hereI am now championing some of it's major domo's. If you say so. But are they? And am I? It is true, the affectation's, constant name-dropping & shameless bill-hogging (not to mention miles of just terrible releases) laid down in the annals of the day-to-day history of this aforementioned genre are deplorable. But it was a lost time for some, lot's of the underground rock had shifted into formlessness & the "improviser"/noise "artist" was top dog. My accusers has even taken to callin me a hypocrite as I work for Siltbreeze, sayin the label was responsible for the glut of crap spewed out en masse on account of introducin the world to Charalambides, Tower Recordings & UN. All's I can to that is blamin us for somethin like, say, Sunburned or Vetiver, is like blamin Nietzsche for Hitler. Go ahead, get riled up! I'm just makin a point. Now w/this Crazy Dreams Band, I'm told they's full of NWA high security types but I don't care. They manage to keep things percolatin w/enough genuine osmosis that I'm just about this far ( it's close, why, there's hardly any gap at all!-Capt'n Siltbreeze) from buyin completely into their neo-psychedelic glublub. The real highlight is Lexie Mountain. Beardo's & Arthur devotees might see this performance & gloat about the 2nd coming of Pomerance, but last I checked, this weren't a comedy record (ding!). I reckon she conjures up all sorta diva's, from Sumac to Joplin to Linda Sharrock & it's cool to see her takin a crack at the rock format. Actually the vocalist she most reminds me of on here is Ricky Williams & if this lp is the second comin of anything it might as well be 'Sea Of Unrest'. And a track like "Seperate Ways" is filled w/enough blind faith, it's enough to charm me outta my shirt'n flaunt the ol' chestnut's (hairs'n all) alfresco for.....as long as it takes. So be afraid, be very afraid. This fucker can be bought direct too, go to http://www.holymountain.com/
for the fix.


Another record what's along the same lines is this little fella by Terminal Wasteband, a two song 7" for the estimable Black Velvet Fuckere label. Last I heard from these gouchos they was lightin up the sonic skies w/a brand of fuzz they called 'Barn Rock'. But a move northwest & so many Trappist ales later, maybe it's safe to say the barn has given way to a shed. But density is relative & on here the trio don't lunge into the whoosh of Hawkwind & Mountain as before, yet they ain't missed a beat neither. These tracks seem more set the controls for the heart of the rural-delica sun, following the not so easily understood maps of neo-cartographers such as Thinking Fellers & Strapping Fieldhands. The moral of this offering might be 'revenge is dish best served cold' & if you miss Blackjack mailorder as much as I do, they you know what I mean. Distro on this dude seems scant, try www.myspace.com/theterminalwasteband


When I opened the package for Boron And The Grebes 'Your're A Horrible Person' 7" ep, Mr. Boron felt compelled to include a note so'd I knew what a grebe is. Mr Boron, PLEASE! This is Roland Woodbe your speakin to. I have done ate more grebe's than you'll ever know. My mother used to make a version of the Turducken w/ grebe, possum & chipmunk. Um-um, that was some good eatin! Mr. Boron went on to explain he made this record to attract bandmates & I wish him the best've luck. It's a very decidedy lo-fi affair & kinda reminds me of a cross between Amor Fati & Slicing Grandpa. Maybe you don't "need" it or maybe you do. Surely ain't many of'em made, go to elementalboron@yahoo.com & see what's what.


The 7" debut of the (new) Cro Magnon seems to have put the pout in the lip of grumpier gus' out there. And to that end I will say I could be confounded why anyone other than the band themselves would see the point of gettin this thing on vinyl but perhaps that's the rub; it all comes back to one's taste's. I'm bettin that if you played these tracks back to back w/the ones by old Cromagnon there's be as many what says it all sucks as would stand & applaud. 20 yrs ago when Happy Flowers (& later) Lisa Suckdog unleashed their feral frenzy they was lauded as 'genius'. Could be as they was self released & came outta nowhere, we was all so taken by the outrageousness, it was easier to fawn that to fart. But they was in on the joke or rather, drew a line to see who'd stick around & see how it played out. And maybe the same could be said about the new Cro Magnon's. As for Bruit Direct buyin a cat in a bag by puttin this out, I don't think so. What's a good horror movie w/o some screamin girls? Bruit Direct is now 3 releases into a narrative of rich, post-sanity, aural grindhouse zonk, now w/2 shrilling, barely legal heroines
to advance the hysterical depravity. No one's askin you to kiss'em, but don't turn your back on'em neither, okay? http://www.bruit-direct.org/


I know this Pop Horror 7" has been out for an age, but I's just now gettin to it. Kinda suprised that my Anglo obsessed buds weren't more smitten with this. It's got a great lost in time chug (a little bass heavy on the 1st track maybe), plus a cool contempo DIY skip in it's step that reminds me of Dry Rib & Desperate Bicycles. The 2008 answer to Hand Grenades (honkin bass & all)? I wouldn't say no! www.myspace.com/iwannabearichbitch