Monday, January 22, 2007

School's Out Completely.....Violent Students 'Street Banger' cd/ep

A long layoff I know, but it couldn't be helped. The saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so let's see about that. How's come I was shutdown? John Law, that's how come! I got pinched in some sting operation transportin liquor (3 cases of almond tequila) from Delaware across to Pennsylvania. I know'd that PA has a hardon for such activities, so imagine my suprise when I got pulled over by Delaware statey's & was asked to show the contents of my trunk. I couldn't believe it. So I was taken in, processed, made my phone call & then went directly before the judge what sentenced me to 30 days in the hole. But it weren't no regular jail. This was more like some experiment, they called it a concentration camp. Seriously! No, not like them one's the Nazi's had, this was a real concentration camp where all you'd do is ponder-and be reminded- about the raw hand you was dealt. It was like one of them Quaker penetentiary's in the olden days, but w/jello & tuna fish."Think, Woodbe, concentrate, con-cen-trate" the omnipresent guard would bellow all day long, "what error in judgement put you here? Admit the truth & the truth will set you free"! Error in judgement...fuck that guy! I thought alot, that's for sure, thought about all then delicious RJ's* I wasn't drinkin on account of bein locked up in a hillbilly nuthouse. This shit was harshin my mellow somethin fierce! Then this past Saturday the cell door opened & I heard a voice over the loudspeaker say "Roland Woodbe you are now free to move about the country". Corny I know, but that is the wit of America's 1st state. Outside the "prison walls" (basically a cyclone fence. The camp wasn't nothin more than a converted Tower Records shop either. I didn't notice when they put me in cause it was night. Talk about funny.) there was Miriam waitin w/a hired limo & dressed to kill. Bein the thinkin lady she is, they'd 1st swung down to Maryland & picked up a case of the contraband hooch for some celebratin up Fishtown way. I don't remember the ride back at all as we was busy w/our own version of the Kama Sutra there in that spacious backseat (if you's know what I mean). Once we was delivered home, I noticed somethin nailed into the front door. Behind a note readin "welcum bakkk" (it appeared to be written in snot & smeared across the paper w/a finger) was this here Violent Students cd. How'd they know? I looked over to Miriam & she just shrugged her shoulders. Well hell boys, thanks alot! Now we had somethin to play while we slung our drinks. And man was it ever an appropriate soundtrack for democracy, freedom & cocktails. Listenin to the crunch 'n gutterous thud of 'Street Banger' (not to mention a few belts into the 'Mr H'* action) I got to thinkin; what if Oscar Goldman had decided to spend that six million dollars turnin Steve Austin into a human cement truck? Garglin all that gravel, limestone & concrete mix in slow motion woulda sounded alot like the sub industro-metal ejaculate spewed out durin 'Flying Priest'. And who wouldn't want to see a remake of Godzilla vs. Mothra but w/Highrise & Boy Dirtcar dukin it out in them roles this time? I would! And by the sound of things on here, so would Violent Students. On this ep these guys have got a tiger by the tail. And when I say tiger, I mean as in Tiger Tank. And where does a Tiger Tank rumble? Anywhere it fuckin wants! You know that scene in Frankenstein where the monster picks up the girl & throws her in the lake? It's alot like that, except now it's a Tiger Tank runnin over Mecht Mensch in a wheelchair flattin them to bits. Next time you play their 'Acceptance' ep, imagin hearin it comin from 'the other side' & mangled almost beyond comprehension. Or just buy the Violent Student's 'Street Banger' cd ep instead. Same difference but this time the warts are genital. Dig it, it's not just the toad that's off the hook on this one. Buy & behold.
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* The RJ (aka "The Mr. H"); a cocktail named after the actor, Robert Wagner. Wagner claims no knowledge of the drink, hence it's origin & inventor remain unknown. Recipe as follows;
1/2 oz almond tequila
3/4 oz medori liqueur
a splash of orange juice
a spash of lime juice

1-fill a cocktail shaker with ice.
2- add tequila, medori, orange & lime juice to blend & chill.
3-strain into a old-fashion or martini glass.
4-garnish with orange twist.

(Supposedly this was what William Holden was quaffin back when he gashed his head on the side of a nightstand & bled to death in Nov. of 1981. So remember; DRINK RESPONSIBLY).


yahowa said...

Hi Roland
remember when I asked you about the weird beer policy of Philly three years ago? Chesus, you knew more details than I can remember. Nice to have you back in the state of freedom.
Thomas from Bavaria

Karen said...

this drink here-in described sounds awfully sunny.
it will obviously require the heat turned to 90 and my red and white polka dot bikini.
and on the first day of snow, this will be beautifully appropriate.
i'm taking the phone off the hook.